In school, attendance was the only time when my name or roll number was called without my surprise. Other than that if i heard my name i used to get surprised thinking how did some one managed to know me? To my relief most of the times the boys sharing the same name were called, not me. When i came to college, i had a bit of a promotion. Attendance was taken in each period. I did not complain as that helped to take a bit of boredom off the long periods. I was not a nerd or something like that. Its true that i am shy but i was also odd and tried my best to help people forget me quickly.
Although i made sure that people manage to walk through me and not notice me, i also did some events. Like beating up boys, breaking tube lights, quarreling, getting occasional good marks, participating in sports, falling in love etc.. These should very well had taken the invisible cloak off me. But i am still wearing it. I was always afraid of success, but happy to pursue it. Its like i may get 40 when the highest is 60, but when the highest score fell to (say) 30, i would make sure that my marks fall to 20, irrespective of the paper. That way i was at least not left behind.
I have different sets of friends to pass my time. One set do not get well with the other. They are different. I behave accordingly with each set. Which one i like or which behavior is mine--i have forgotten or maybe i never knew. Its not like i follow their views blindly, many a times i put my views. I am not to be mistaken with the decoys. Who have nothing of their own and just goes with the trend of the group. I enjoy or distaste each group in more or less the same way. But i do admit that i am a very confused mind.
I try my best not to be a hypocrite like "Democracy" (in this case the word meaning is taken and explained as seen on Earth and not in the dictionary). Where you are given the right to express your thoughts and at the same time given the assurance that you are a nobody. If your view does not match with that of the guard of the guards, then thanks for coming and be thankful that we helped you to spend some times of yours with us and don't expect any thing more.
The odd thing is what ever i do, i manage to be dispensable and survive. Like books maybe. You read it like it, but when you are (say) shifting to some other place and your bags are full or too heavy, the books are the first to be parted with. You have read it, you know the story so why keep it? Or sometimes you keep them in shining bookshelves and forget them. It gets rented, the pages get old, people talk about the author or the story, but the book is dispensable. Its just a container of knowledge. Like the safe place were the caterpillar falls asleep dreaming of becoming a butterfly. Like the plastic bottles. Twisting, shouting, crying in vain to be destroyed. All of them in the end finding something to survive on, through Naphthalene or through clothes or through recycling.
Although i made sure that people manage to walk through me and not notice me, i also did some events. Like beating up boys, breaking tube lights, quarreling, getting occasional good marks, participating in sports, falling in love etc.. These should very well had taken the invisible cloak off me. But i am still wearing it. I was always afraid of success, but happy to pursue it. Its like i may get 40 when the highest is 60, but when the highest score fell to (say) 30, i would make sure that my marks fall to 20, irrespective of the paper. That way i was at least not left behind.
I have different sets of friends to pass my time. One set do not get well with the other. They are different. I behave accordingly with each set. Which one i like or which behavior is mine--i have forgotten or maybe i never knew. Its not like i follow their views blindly, many a times i put my views. I am not to be mistaken with the decoys. Who have nothing of their own and just goes with the trend of the group. I enjoy or distaste each group in more or less the same way. But i do admit that i am a very confused mind.
I try my best not to be a hypocrite like "Democracy" (in this case the word meaning is taken and explained as seen on Earth and not in the dictionary). Where you are given the right to express your thoughts and at the same time given the assurance that you are a nobody. If your view does not match with that of the guard of the guards, then thanks for coming and be thankful that we helped you to spend some times of yours with us and don't expect any thing more.
The odd thing is what ever i do, i manage to be dispensable and survive. Like books maybe. You read it like it, but when you are (say) shifting to some other place and your bags are full or too heavy, the books are the first to be parted with. You have read it, you know the story so why keep it? Or sometimes you keep them in shining bookshelves and forget them. It gets rented, the pages get old, people talk about the author or the story, but the book is dispensable. Its just a container of knowledge. Like the safe place were the caterpillar falls asleep dreaming of becoming a butterfly. Like the plastic bottles. Twisting, shouting, crying in vain to be destroyed. All of them in the end finding something to survive on, through Naphthalene or through clothes or through recycling.
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